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The Older I Grow
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Song about trying to deal with anger, loss, regret and thoughts of suicide relating to PTSD related to combat service.
rock hardrock metal heavymetal pain suicide loss fiveyearssolitary ptsd sudduth
Acoustic Rock to Hard Rock and plenty in between.
Five Years Solitary is a one man project for now. Its something that I do to stay sharp in between the Army and family. I have hopes of putting a band together so I am always writing and recording songs.
Song Info
Genre
Rock • Hard Rock
Charts
#154 in subgenre Peak #3
Charts
Peak #21
Author
D. Sudduth/J. Sudduth
Uploaded
May 12, 2023
Track Files
MP3
MP3 5.9 MB • 192 kbps • 4:16
Meta Data
Vocals
Male
Character
Energy
relaxed, cool
high-energy
Danceable
coffee-place
dancefloor
Positivity
dark, sad, angry
happy
Appeal
unique
radio-friendly
Story behind the song
While not specifically about me, the withdraw from Afghanistan and the end of the War on Terror which encompassed almost my entire adult life and the vast majority of my military career left me with feelings of anger, regret and loss. These feelings are shared by many veterans I've spoken to across many different military specialties and branches of service. I've attempted to capture that anger and feeling of futility in this song aimed at all who served and suffer still.
Lyrics
War fighter, sole survivor Friend and foe have paid the piper Left behind, cauterized How much of me is left inside? What do you do when there's no one there to comfort you? How do you sleep when all you want to do is grieve? How do you fight when all you want to do is die? What do I do to make me even what to try? [Pre-Chorus] The grains of sand that have built this man Are blown into glass and shattered like the past [Chorus 1] And still older I grow in both body and soul This endless charade is all that I know Older I grow in body and soul If there's one thing I know It's that I never made it out of there Nothing's ever really fair in life I want to find peace but peace won't find me I want to find peace but in pieces it's dividing me I want to find peace but the fight is all that I can see I want to feel something but there's nothing left inside of me I don't want to die, it's a struggle just to be alive The darkness lives inside my head It's nothing but a bad time I don't want the burden but there's no one I can pass it to No one understand the fucking lengths I've been driven to [Pre-Chorus] [Chorus 2] And still older I grow in both body and soul This endless charade is all that I know Older I grow in body and soul If there's one thing I know It's that my mind is my greatest foe And still older I grow in both body and soul This endless charade is all that I know Older I grow in body and soul If there's one thing I know It's that I never made it out of there Nothing's ever really fair in life Drown me in the tears of another's pain Roads we take are different but the end is all the same Guilt is pulling like an anchor's chain Though I scrub I can still see the blood stains Embers burn out and leave it all to ash Now I lie down, for me there's nothing left Blow me away, I'm going Going away, I'm blowing Blow me away, I'm going Blow me away This figure of glass is not going to last I want to find peace but peace won't find me It won't find me
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Comments 1
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Julia26
May 12, 2023
Very deep